she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
