i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
