Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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