just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
