my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
