I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
