If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
