how can u be prego again
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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