those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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