I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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