I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
