i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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