the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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