i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
