i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
