U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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