If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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