Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i will never coherently bang her
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
