i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
