4 words: hood of his car
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
