i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
