WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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