I met the friendliest cop last night
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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