So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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