I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
