listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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