Can Purell be used as lube?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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