he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
