I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Bring me that man meat
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
