She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
