She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
