When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
