didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize