Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize