I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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