I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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