She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
