I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
