I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
