the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
