i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
