Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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