I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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