and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
