im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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