So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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