so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
