Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
