4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
