it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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