hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
