I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
