When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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