Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
honey bunches of taint.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
