i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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