This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
