How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
