Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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