Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Never joke about your clitoris.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
