I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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