she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
