9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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