there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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