you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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