some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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