So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
