Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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