ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
