but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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