i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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