Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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