my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
