Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
