Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
